Desperately Seeking Kylie–Local Man Chases Love
Jeremy Thompson, 36, is on a quest for the love of his life—but there’s one catch: she must be named Kylie.
DENVER, CO – Jeremy Thompson, 36, describes himself as “an open-minded, outdoorsy guy with a passion for, late-night trivia, artisanal cheeses, and craft beer.” His Hinge profile lists 12 interests, ranging from birdwatching to podcasting, but one requirement is non-negotiable: his future partner must be named Kylie.
“I just work better with Kylies,” Thompson said over coffee at a downtown café, carefully adjusting the sleeve of his sweater to cover a tattoo that reads Kylie Forever in elegant script. Across his arms, shoulders, and chest, additional tattoos proclaim sentiments such as I ❤️ Kylie, Only Kylies Understand Me, and a QR code linking to an abandoned Facebook page titled Certified Kylie Enthusiast, where at least three profile pictures appear to have been removed.”
Dating apps, he says, have been “challenging.” “Hinge keeps showing me non-Kylies. Kaylees, Kylies with a ‘y’ at the end, and even a few Kilees. It’s a nightmare, I’m only interested in Kylies with the traditional spelling,” he complained. To improve results, Thompson purchased Hinge Premium, uploaded a photo with a neon sign reading Looking for Kylie, and created a Spread Sheet ranking past Kylies by zodiac sign.
Thompson insists that his tattoos are not about any one person. “People assume there was a specific Kylie. I mean... there was, but that’s not the point,” he said, thoughtfully sipping his oat milk latte. “It’s a manifestation strategy. And yeah, I might add another Kylie tattoo, when I find the right girl, but I don’t want to rush into anything.”
Friends have grown accustomed to the unusual criteria. “At least he knows what he wants,” said his roommate, nodding toward the chest tattoo. Thompson’s mother, meanwhile, continues to search for other Kylies at church and community events, insisting, “One of them has to be the right one!”
A cynic might say that for Jeremy Thompson, love is less about connection and more about brand alignment or legal name verification. But Thompson appears to be an optimist, and remains certain that the perfect Kylie is out there somewhere, waiting to be found. And if it turns out the perfect Kylie already has a Jason tattoo? Well, that’s a problem he hasn’t solved yet—but he’s confident a good tattoo artist could fix it.
“I just work better with Kylies,” Thompson said over coffee at a downtown café, carefully adjusting the sleeve of his sweater to cover a tattoo that reads Kylie Forever in elegant script. Across his arms, shoulders, and chest, additional tattoos proclaim sentiments such as I ❤️ Kylie, Only Kylies Understand Me, and a QR code linking to an abandoned Facebook page titled Certified Kylie Enthusiast, where at least three profile pictures appear to have been removed.”
Dating apps, he says, have been “challenging.” “Hinge keeps showing me non-Kylies. Kaylees, Kylies with a ‘y’ at the end, and even a few Kilees. It’s a nightmare, I’m only interested in Kylies with the traditional spelling,” he complained. To improve results, Thompson purchased Hinge Premium, uploaded a photo with a neon sign reading Looking for Kylie, and created a Spread Sheet ranking past Kylies by zodiac sign.
Thompson insists that his tattoos are not about any one person. “People assume there was a specific Kylie. I mean... there was, but that’s not the point,” he said, thoughtfully sipping his oat milk latte. “It’s a manifestation strategy. And yeah, I might add another Kylie tattoo, when I find the right girl, but I don’t want to rush into anything.”
Friends have grown accustomed to the unusual criteria. “At least he knows what he wants,” said his roommate, nodding toward the chest tattoo. Thompson’s mother, meanwhile, continues to search for other Kylies at church and community events, insisting, “One of them has to be the right one!”
A cynic might say that for Jeremy Thompson, love is less about connection and more about brand alignment or legal name verification. But Thompson appears to be an optimist, and remains certain that the perfect Kylie is out there somewhere, waiting to be found. And if it turns out the perfect Kylie already has a Jason tattoo? Well, that’s a problem he hasn’t solved yet—but he’s confident a good tattoo artist could fix it.
