Parties & Governing Law
These Terms of Service ("Terms") govern your use of The Distractivist website ("Site") operated by [Your Legal Entity Name] ("we," "us," or "our"). These Terms are governed by the laws of [State/Country], without regard to conflict of law principles. Any disputes shall be resolved in the courts of [Jurisdiction].
1. It's Satire
Everything on The Distractivist is satirical. It is not real news. Do not cite us in your dissertation, your court case, or your argument with your in-laws. We are not liable for any confusion this may cause.
2. Content for Entertainment
Our content is provided for entertainment purposes only. We make no claims about accuracy, fairness, or whether any of this makes sense. If it does, that's a happy accident.
3. Disclaimer of Warranties
The Site and its content are provided "as is" and "as available" without warranties of any kind, express or implied, including but not limited to implied warranties of merchantability, fitness for a particular purpose, or non-infringement. We do not warrant that the Site will be uninterrupted, error-free, or free of harmful components.
4. Your Use of the Site
By using this site, you agree not to do anything illegal, harmful, or that would make our lawyers nervous. You may read, share, and laugh. You may not scrape, hack, or attempt to break things. Common sense applies. The Site is intended for users 18 years of age or older. By using the Site, you represent that you meet this age requirement.
5. Intellectual Property
Our content, branding, and general silliness are ours. If you want to republish something, ask first. We're usually nice about it.
6. User Content
You retain ownership of content you submit (e.g., comments). By submitting content, you grant us a non-exclusive, royalty-free, worldwide license to use, display, and distribute it in connection with the Site. You represent that you have the right to grant this license and that your content does not violate any third-party rights or applicable law. We may remove content at our discretion and are not obligated to monitor user content.
7. Newsletter
By subscribing, you consent to receive our emails. You can unsubscribe anytime. We won't take it personally.
8. Limitation of Liability
To the maximum extent permitted by law, we and our affiliates, officers, directors, employees, and agents shall not be liable for any indirect, incidental, special, consequential, or punitive damages, or any loss of profits, data, or goodwill, arising from your use of the Site. Our total liability shall not exceed the amount you paid us, if any, in the twelve months preceding the claim, or $100, whichever is greater.
9. Indemnification
You agree to indemnify, defend, and hold harmless us, our affiliates, and our respective officers, directors, employees, and agents from and against any claims, damages, losses, liabilities, and expenses (including reasonable attorneys' fees) arising from your use of the Site, your violation of these Terms, or your violation of any third-party rights.
10. Termination
We may suspend or terminate your access to the Site, with or without notice, for any reason, including violation of these Terms. Upon termination, your right to use the Site ceases immediately. Provisions that by their nature should survive (e.g., limitation of liability, indemnification) shall survive termination.
11. Changes
We may update these terms. We'll post changes here. Using the site after changes means you accept them. If you don't like them, you can stop visiting. We'll miss you.
12. Severability
If any provision of these Terms is held invalid or unenforceable, the remaining provisions shall remain in full force and effect.
13. Entire Agreement
These Terms, together with our Privacy Policy and any other policies referenced herein, constitute the entire agreement between you and us regarding the Site and supersede any prior agreements.
14. Contact
Questions? See our Contact page.