Blood Moon Just Nostalgic for 1984
BREAKING: Blood Moon Confirmed To Be Viral Marketing Campaign For “Red Dawn” Sequel
Astronomers confirmed late Tuesday that the so-called “blood moon” is “almost certainly” a coordinated promotional effort for a gritty reboot of Red Dawn, despite the original film being released in 1984 and the reboot in 2012.
“Look at the color,” said one local man squinting confidently at the sky. “That’s not a natural red. That’s cinematic red. That’s 4K remastered red.”
Social media erupted shortly after the eclipse began, with thousands of users reporting an unexplained urge to whisper “Wolverines!” at their neighbors while stress-buying canned goods.
NASA officials denied involvement, which experts agree is exactly what NASA would say if they were involved.
Meanwhile, several streaming platforms experienced a 900% spike in searches for Red Dawn, as Americans attempted to determine whether they were witnessing a celestial event or the soft launch of Cold War nostalgia.
At press time, the moon had returned to its normal color, but officials warn it may turn red again “whenever Hollywood needs it to.”
“Look at the color,” said one local man squinting confidently at the sky. “That’s not a natural red. That’s cinematic red. That’s 4K remastered red.”
Social media erupted shortly after the eclipse began, with thousands of users reporting an unexplained urge to whisper “Wolverines!” at their neighbors while stress-buying canned goods.
NASA officials denied involvement, which experts agree is exactly what NASA would say if they were involved.
Meanwhile, several streaming platforms experienced a 900% spike in searches for Red Dawn, as Americans attempted to determine whether they were witnessing a celestial event or the soft launch of Cold War nostalgia.
At press time, the moon had returned to its normal color, but officials warn it may turn red again “whenever Hollywood needs it to.”
