Demons Hate Exercise (And That’s Why You Should)
Exercise improves your body, sharpens your mind, and—perhaps most importantly—creates an extremely hostile work environment for the lazy demons responsible for your worst decisions.
We all know the positive effects exercise has on the physical body. Stronger heart, better circulation, improved mood — the usual brochure stuff.
What they don’t talk about nearly enough, however, is what exercise does to the demons living inside you. And to put it plainly: they hate it.
Demons prefer a calm, sedentary host. Ideally someone sitting slightly hunched on a couch, holding a phone, occasionally sighing and opening the refrigerator for reasons that remain unclear.
In this environment, demons can really do their best work. They press buttons like Unnecessary Irritation, Mild Existential Dread, and Why Did I Walk Into This Room Again. They whisper helpful suggestions like “you deserve a break” or “let’s start the workout routine Monday.”
But the moment you start exercising, the situation becomes intolerable.
Running, lifting, even a brisk walk creates what demons would describe as a deeply hostile workplace. The heart rate increases. Blood starts moving. Oxygen floods the brain. Endorphins show up unannounced and begin improving your mood without any demonic oversight whatsoever.
For the demons, it’s like trying to relax in a house that suddenly turned into a treadmill.
They’re extremely lazy creatures by nature, which is why they mostly bother people who are easy targets. But a body that exercises regularly? That’s a logistical nightmare. The energy levels are higher. The mood is better. The host is strangely productive. Frankly, it’s exhausting.
Which is why, if you listen closely right before a workout, you can often hear the demons making one final desperate plea: “Maybe just skip today.”
What they don’t talk about nearly enough, however, is what exercise does to the demons living inside you. And to put it plainly: they hate it.
Demons prefer a calm, sedentary host. Ideally someone sitting slightly hunched on a couch, holding a phone, occasionally sighing and opening the refrigerator for reasons that remain unclear.
In this environment, demons can really do their best work. They press buttons like Unnecessary Irritation, Mild Existential Dread, and Why Did I Walk Into This Room Again. They whisper helpful suggestions like “you deserve a break” or “let’s start the workout routine Monday.”
But the moment you start exercising, the situation becomes intolerable.
Running, lifting, even a brisk walk creates what demons would describe as a deeply hostile workplace. The heart rate increases. Blood starts moving. Oxygen floods the brain. Endorphins show up unannounced and begin improving your mood without any demonic oversight whatsoever.
For the demons, it’s like trying to relax in a house that suddenly turned into a treadmill.
They’re extremely lazy creatures by nature, which is why they mostly bother people who are easy targets. But a body that exercises regularly? That’s a logistical nightmare. The energy levels are higher. The mood is better. The host is strangely productive. Frankly, it’s exhausting.
Which is why, if you listen closely right before a workout, you can often hear the demons making one final desperate plea: “Maybe just skip today.”
